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the sinners and the sinners...

The sinners and the sinners…

The final breakthrough to fellowship does not occur because...they have fellowship with one another as believers and as devout people, [no, it is because] they do not have fellowship as the undevout, as sinners. The pious fellowship permits no one to be a sinner. So everyone must conceal his sin from himself and from their fellowship. We dare not be sinners. Many Christians are unthinkably horrified when a real sinner is suddenly discovered among the righteous. So we remain alone with our sin, living in lies and hypocrisy. The fact is that we are sinners!" - Dietrich Bonhoeffer


All of us. The person sitting next to you at church, your husband or wife, the actors and actresses in movies, the sports icon, the preacher on the pulpit...


Often times, I find myself in a war between hypocrisy and truth. I struggle with wanting to be all together, and knowing deep inside that I am a mess. I feed the homeless, quietly wanting the praise. I say that prayer is important but my prayers are scattered at best. I say I am forgiven, but struggle with feelings of inadequacy from my past. When will we stop being imposters and shed the countless layers of what we think has made us who we are, when in all reality, it is what has covered up the very person we are?...the very person, as messy as it is, that Jesus died for. The very person that He offered His grace to...the very person that makes up the church and makes the salvation story real...


The prostitute and the alcoholic find it easier to repent then those who call themselves devout Christians, because often times, we as Christians cling to a cheap grace. We have made the gospels out to be mere stories that are amusing at best. We have made Christianity out to be the judgement seat of the whole world, and we are sitting front and center. We have created a sorority that doesn't allow anyone in that doesn't fit the mold. We have lied to ourselves.


The prominent sin in my adult life, and really throughout my whole life, has been a fear of rejection...and because of that fear, I have refused to act when needed, refused to respond when my faith is on trial, refused to think for myself. And overcoming that is not easy and it is a daily struggle. But when I really sit and think about my core identity in Jesus, the need for affirmation from others disappears, the desire to stay centered on Jesus' love for me takes control, the determination to accept myself and who Jesus has made me comes into focus...I start to live and cower less. And when I focus on this identity in Jesus, I can understand and participate in true, authentic fellowship. I can be the church...full of sinners and sain--....sinners.

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