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the prison of your mind...

Aslan raised his head and shook his mane. Instantly a glorious feast appeared on the Dwarfs' knees: pies and tongues and pigeons and trifles...and each Dwarf had a goblet of good wine in his right hand. But it wasn't much use. They began eating and drinking greedily enough, but it was clear that they couldn't taste it said he was trying to eat hay..."fancy drinking dirty water out of trough that a donkey's been at". "You see," said Aslan. "They will not let us help them. They have chosen cunning instead of belief. Their prison is only in their own minds, yet they are in that prison; and so afraid of being taken in that they cannot be taken out." - Chronicles of Narnia: The Last Battle, C.S. Lewis

The prison of our minds is a place where most of us live. We are too hurt to step into the unknown, we are too prideful to say we are sorry, we are too mad to see joy, we are too worried to really live, we are too selfish to give, we are too jealous to embrace, we are too lazy to work, we are too disobedient to obey, we are too __________ to __________. The options are endless in filling in those blank spaces and chances are you know exactly what should go there. You see, we all, on our own, are building a house that is weak. The house I once was building had holes, lots and lots of holes, and no roof - and I was responsible...and God tore it down. After a broken marriage at 23, and pouring my soul into whatever I could to drown my deepest fears and deepest groans of sadness...I was searching continually...even when I thought I wasn't. And when God tore it down, all I could do was sit and cry and hope for the day when I could rebuild, stronger. But what I failed to realize was that what I had been missing, was in front of me the whole time. I just couldn't really see it until until hope flooded my eyes and my heart, until I saw purpose in every part of my life, until I could take responsibility for the things I had missed seeing. Until I really knew my Savior, I had been living in the prison of my mind...and I had locked the door.

As the sun was peeking out, defeating the shadows once and for all today, I stared at Haggai 1:9..."You expected much, but then it amounted to little. When you brought the harvest to your house, I ruined it. Why?...Because My house still lies in ruins, while each of you is busy with his own house."

There wasn't much more I could say...this was me 16 years ago...and sometimes this is still me. How many times have I tried to build my own house, before really building His? How many times has he set a feast in front of me, and I haven't seen it? How many times has he called my name and I have rejected it? How many times have I held myself captive in the prison of my mind? How many times has his grace been shown to us? Seventy times never ceases. And that, that is the reason why I live.


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