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As a woman, or maybe it is just as a human, it is so hard to decipher when it is time to let go, give up, hold on, do this, do that, keep praying... And then we think maybe it is because I am not seeking God hard enough, maybe he just doesn't care about this part of my life and that is why there is silence... when really, we just aren't listening. We continue to push ourselves to the side, supporting others, meeting the needs of others no matter what it takes, even if it requires years of energy and love. All the while our needs are going unnoticed, or so it seems, and we are partly to blame for hiding that need, not pushing hard enough for our need to be noticed, continually being pushed down when we try to express that need, feeling ignored, feeling what we need is just not as important, or just too scared to express it. When we do share our need, often times we are met with opposition, a feeling of being accused, of not being patient enough, accused of not understanding, accused of being selfish, or asked to hold on just a little bit longer. When really, from our perspective, all we want is for someone to take notice, for someone to reach out and meet our need, for once, to feel like the world is for us, not against us. When there is no balance, it feels as if the heart is rubbed raw, the heart tries to recover, but the heart alone fails.

In comes God. How a person can make it in this world without him is beyond my understanding. Our thoughts can sometimes consume our whole being and we start to believe what is false and it feeds our insecirities. When we feel our heart is alone, it continues to grasp for anything, for momentary pleasure, for something that will make it feel better, until the next thing that hurts it and brings it back to point of failure. Even as a Christian my heart fails... For my story of redemption was a path of failures, but the hope that is gleamed from one verse, one thought, one loving embrace from the Father who knows all and is all... Nothing can compare to the joy that makes the heart overflow and nothing can compare to the restoration of a failed heart, even amidst the pain of circumstance. Stop and listen... Be still and know he is God. Jesus knew need and had them, Paul had need, the leper had need, the wedding party had need, the Israelites had need, the Bible is riddled with people who had needs... And OUR biggest need... For our Savior to return, more than ever.

Philippians 4:19 "And my God will supply all your needs according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus."


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