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moments of weakness...

As I sit here reading in the stillness, I am silently hearing my mind say, “Why did you do that? You dummies.” The verse I am reading…Psalm 78:9. "The sons of Ephraim were archers equipped with bows, Yet they turned back in the day of battle." Imagine the scene. God, for years upon years has provided for his people, led his people, offered them His strength over and over, and then…what happens? They turn their back on Him. We all know the story but I’m not sure it has really meant as much as it did today for me. Ephraim’s moment of weakness was weak indeed. They couldn’t see beyond their fears, their doubts, themselves. They forgot to look upon the One who had prepared the way for them…they failed. How many times in my life have I acted like Ephraim did? Too many to count…the list goes on and on. I have been equipped in so many instances yet often I would give in to the enemy and allow him to discourage me…becoming a coward…becoming prey. Today, there were times I felt as if my life was worthless. Everyone around me is getting engaged, is having a baby, has a baby, is married, going to foreign countries, and pursuing new careers. Then there is me…feeling as plain as plain can feel…feeling like my life is less than exciting and why opportunities don't seem to recognize me. But, I realized that was me, taking on the role of Ephraim, giving up, turning back in the day of battle. You see, the enemy has this ridiculous ability to hit me where it hurts my heart the most…feeling like I don’t measure up and feeling like I am always one step behind. It’s not true, I know that…but it still breaks me down. I cried, and I cried hard…wishing to be comforted, but not feeling up to the fight for my own heart. I gave in, I became weak. I lost this battle, and I will lose many more but by the grace of God He will continue to equip me with bows, and continue to give me opportunities to fight the battles that come.

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