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messages we receive...

So many times I sit and I cry out to the Lord, expressing my anger, my love, my faithlessness, my desire for more, my wish to know what tomorrow holds...and each time I hear the Lord say...I love you. Nothing else. Nada. Silence.

There must be something to those three words that come from Him. Throughout my life I have received messages that tell me I am not lovable, that I have nothing to offer, and that I am alone in this battle for life. These messages hurt, they instruct, but most importantly, they help me to see the love of Christ more vividly. I cannot comprehend the love He has for me, but one thing I do is magnified each time I hear those messages nagging in the back of my head. It is beautiful and something I most assuredly every night and every morning thank Him for. Those hardships, those feelings of not feeling anything, those joyous moments when nothing else seems to matter except what is in front of me, those times of trial, those times of pure excitement...these are when I see the love that He has for me...and bigger yet, those times are when I choose to see the love He has for me.

There is an amazing man the Lord has placed in my life and of which He has chosen to let me enjoy for a time that only He has planned, whether it be for a week, a year, or for a lifetime. I don't take one day for granted and although at times, it's hard to open my heart, hard to trust, it's worth it, he is worth it. For whatever the Lord's will is, it is His good and perfect plan that causes me to smile and hold out my hand, giving everything, holding back nothing, risking failure, risking pain, risking joy, risking a future, risking love....nothing is scarier and more gratifying in all the world. And although I thought I had seen the Lord's love magnified throughout my life, there is nothing that magnifies it more than when I am able to show even just a glimpse of that compassion for someone else.

What is this love, what can it be? That you my God would die for me? It is unfathomable, but I gladly accept what you give. I will live unashamed and I will fail, but your love will never fail. The tears have not ceased flowing and I know that you are holding me...


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